


Cast a Wide Net

by AnonEhouse



Series: Battling Coronavirus (varied fandoms) [13]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: COVID-19, Coronavirus masks, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Happy Ending, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:00:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23462851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/AnonEhouse
Summary: The Guardians attempt piracy for a good cause. They're not all that great at it, but luckily things work out.
Series: Battling Coronavirus (varied fandoms) [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676572
Comments: 12
Kudos: 78





	Cast a Wide Net

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

The Shi'ar captain's feathery crest bristled like a helmet. "You have made a fatal mistake, pirate. I am no simple captain. And these are my guards." He flicked one clawed hand, and suddenly the Guardians were surrounded by very, very, very big and ridiculously over armored, over weaponed, over muscled... well, basically think of your scariest warrior and dial it up to eleven...

"The Imperial Guard," Thor said. He smiled, but it looked forced. "This... will be fun?"

"Wait, wait, wait," Peter Quill said, while waving his hands in the air. "Can we talk about this like reasonable beings, before someone shoots holes in the bulkhead? You know, explosive decompression? Plays hell with your insurance policy, especially if you could have avoided it."

"Aw, hell, Quill," Rocket said, while he hefted his laser bazooka, "let's just blast these birdies and take the loot."

"It's not loot when it's for charity," Mantis said. "That's what Quill told me."

"I don't listen to Quill," Drax said. "Quill is an idiot."

The Shi'ar captain narrowed his beady black eyes. His crest fluttered. "What kind of idiot Ravagers are you?"

"I am Groot," Groot remarked. He waved his branches.

"Yeah, what he said," Rocket said. "We're not Ravagers, and we're not ALL idiots. Mostly it's Quill. It was his idiotic idea to heist your song masks."

"Song masks?" The Shi'ar captain's crest fluttered even more. "I have a hold full of rare crystals and valuable fuel bars, and you are after a few crates of novelty TOYS?"

"They're toys to you," Quill said. He touched his mask and let it recede to uncover his head. "My home planet has a plague. You use your song masks to change your voice, so you can sing like... like I guess your ancestors did. It's fun for you. But Rocket can retrofit them to filter out the virus that causes this plague."

"Ah," the captain said. "So, they are a valuable commodity on your planet... what will you pay for my cargo?"

Nebula looked at Quill. "You are an idiot. You have weakened your bargaining position."

"Yeah, yeah, all right." Quill waved his hands again. "Look, Earth did the rest of the universe a solid! We took out Thanos, and reversed the Dusting. Can't you... like give us a discount?"

The Shi'ar captain's crest went totally still and then rose and fanned out wide around his face. "That is how it happened? My daughter and wife were returned to me. Also my mother-in-law, but one must take the grit with the seed." His feathers fluttered, and then he waved dismissively at his guard before turning his attention back to Quill.

"You will not steal my song-masks. My cargo-handler will transfer them to your ship." He turned to walk away.

"What? Just like that?" Rocket said, disappointed by the canceled fighting. "And where are you going, birdie?"

The captain glanced back at the Guardians. "To spread the word. The Shi'ar are not the only people who pay their debts." He turned back and kept walking.

"Uh oh," Rocket said. "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Earth is gonna be invaded by the Intergalactic Red Cross. I think?" Quill said. He blinked. "Oh, wow. We better get there first so no one tries to shoot them down."

Rocket sighed and put his bazooka over his shoulder. "Fine. They'd better be grateful, that's all I can say. Charity doesn't pay."

"But it will save lives," Mantis said. "Surely that is enough reward in itself."

"Eh, yeah, I guess," Rocket said. "But I wouldn't turn down any credits the humies want to throw at us."

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I took the name from Marvel comics, but my Shi'ar are not expansionist conquerors. They can dream and they don't execute people for artistic creativity.


End file.
